Someone engaged me in conversation at a urinal the other day, which I found most inappropriate. So, today, we are going to have a brief refresher course on toilet etiquette before all semblance of order goes down the plughole. Let's start with the urinal. First, the basics. Never go in packs. You are not a girl. Position is important. If you arrive at an empty urinal, stand at the far left or far right, but never in the middle. This enables the next man to take the opposite extreme. If a third man arrives, he can take the middle slot, but it would be preferable if he abandoned the urinal altogether and went into a cubicle. Regardless of good intent, you should never hang around waiting for an ideal position - it may be mistaken for perving. Once installed, keep your eyes dead ahead at all times, even in the event of a fire alarm. If you have the misfortune to find yourself at the urinal at the same time as a friend or colleague, a rhetorical All right? will suffice. How's the n...